Mixed Emotions

Emotions are funny things really. It is surprising that you can have such conflicting emotions simultaneously. In exactly three weeks I will no longer be employed by Granite school district but I will be a full time mom. 

Up to this point I have been nothing but thrilled and excited. However, now I am beginning to feel a huge range of emotions.

After much deliberation, Ted and I decided that this would be the best thing for our family. I still feel like this is the right decision for us but with every change there will be some big adjustments. 

My school recently had their kindergarten orientation and my principal introduced the teachers for the upcoming year which did not include myself and it started to sink in. I am really seriously not coming back and it was really hard moment. Especially seeing all the bright, excited faces of the up and coming kindergarten students. I had to see exactly what I was going to be missing. I love teaching. I love kindergarten. I love the excitement levels in kindergarten which are also absolutely exhausting.

I remember as a young girl listening in a sacrament meeting as the primary president bore her testimony and said that she had learned so much from the children. I remember thinking, "She must not be very smart because those kids don't really know a lot." Wow has that point of view changed! 

Though my kindergarten students may not know how to read yet or multiply. They might need help tying their shoes and blowing their noses. Through the years I have been teaching, they have taught me more about acceptance and love. They have instructed me on forgiveness and kindness. They have also taught me about contagious laughter and vivid imagination.

For the record, it hasn't always been butterflies and rainbows. There had been plenty of days that I come home feeling like this:

 

But overall I have loved being a teacher. And I know I will love being a full time mom. I am sure there will still be days that I feel like this but at least I know it is my own child who is driving me crazy so I will have no one to blame but myself, and Ted of course!

Speaking of my youngling, I can't believe how fast he is growing up! I am excited to spend all the time I can with him because if they last 9 months are any indication of how freaking fast time goes with him. I don't want to miss another minute!

I do have to say that we have been extremely blessed. Our next door neighbor watches him while I am teaching and she is truly an angel. I never worry about him while he is with her. I know that he is in a loving and caring environment. In fact, it was her husband who took this picture!

I just need to cherish the time I have left as a kindergarten teacher. I need to show more kindness and more patience. I need to be less cranky and more joyful.